"I'm Not Touching Your Dick." (+ Random Flicks)

 So it's a rather uneventful Sunday afternoon and after running errands all morning I decided to hit up my boy boy to see if anything was poppin' that evening. He tells me that ain't shit really goin' down but I was more than welcome to stop by his homie's crib to run some Madden (that is not a double entendre btw), drink a little liquor, maybe twist a L... Anyways, I oblige because ain't nothin' better than getting my swerve on with some Wray And Nephew on the Lord's Day.

 I pull up to the spot and walk around to the back door like I was instructed (dude lives in a basement-apartment type situation). There's 4 or 5 heads congregating around a 27" TV complete with antenna and tin foil (I shit you not). Dudes is sitting on milk crates and empty plaster tubs turned upside down and I could literally smell week old tuna from the kitchenette situated about 25 feet away on the back wall. Shit's disgusting. How anybody can make a conscious choice to live in squalor is beyond my comprehension. At this point I'm extra hesitant to sit down but I find a spot on the couch that appears to be somewhat clean (smh @ me for wearing white pants though).

 

 After the liquor starts flowing I become more comfortable with my surroundings and start to loosen up and have a good time. My dude, who appears to be intoxicated comes over and sits extremely close to me for no reason. I let it rock because I figure he isn't in the right frame of mind and he isn't crossing any lines. After a while he starts rubbing on my thigh. I expressed to him that that shit made me wild uncomfortable so he stopped. About 5 minutes later he says he's cold and drapes his coat over himself and looks like he's about to knock out. Keep in mind I've never done anything sexual with dude (nor do I plan to start) and his advances came out of left field. I've drank with him before too and this has also never happened.

 We order a pizza and dude is still out cold beside me. Half way through my second slice I look over to check if he's still breathing and he's smiling at me like a jackass. I asked him if he was alright to which he replies "Touch it" and motions for my eyes to follow into his lap underneath his jacket where his dick was hanging out of his boxer shorts (I was not impressed btw). What. The. Fuck. First of all... why are you whipping it out in a room with other dudes sitting in a very close proximity to you? That shit is wild homo. Secondly... what the fuck!?

I need to re-evaluate my platonic friend situation.

My question is... what is the success rate for this method? Does it really work for ya'll? Seriously...

Random pictures I took today...